Middle Earth Extravaganza Wish Story
by paperclipmassacre
Summary: Oh no, not another one, right? Well, two unsuspecting teenagers get metaphorically vacuumed into the world of Middle Earth. Humor ensues. English Story Due plus Middle Earth plus Three Wishes equals Orlando Bloom-ish Legolas and a Distraught Iris-Orc.


Disclaimer:  
The Lord of the Rings books, movies, characters, and assorted merchandise and paraphernalia belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, New Line Cinema, etc. In writing this story, I am making no profit, just personal satisfaction. I do not own The Lord of the Rings, I'm just obsessed with it.  
  
n auburn-haired adolescent known by the name of Iris Rankin trudged towards her English classroom. Her earth-tone adorned companion, Cody Spyker, was in tow, sifting through her Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles folder for the previously dispensed homework for English.  
As Iris yawned in a bored manner, she stated her particular opinion about Social Studies class, "Honestly, I need more exciting stuff to pay attention. Maybe someone could be forced to sing a song to help us remember the preamble in the Constitution. If it didn't help us learn, it'd still be amusing anyway."  
Cody, who had found her English assignment in the overflowing wallet of papers, was not aware of the chatterbox beside her, for she started a new subject, "What's your 'Be Careful What You Wish For' story about?"  
Iris froze in her tracks, her eyes growing wide and her expression oblivious and completely blank, "What?"  
"The story due today in Language Arts," Cody said, examining everyone who had already entered the classroom as she did the same.  
Several classmates raised their eyebrows as Iris quietly emitted a word that is not permitted in school under her breath. She grinned sheepishly at them and looked at the floor. Instead of finding just the usual carpet below her feet, however, there was a golden utensil as well. Iris' eyes darted around the room to see if anyone else had spotted the metallic tool. She found that she was the only one aware of its presence so she bent down and picked up her discovery, clumsily tripping over her own shoes as she slid into her seat.  
It was a golden spork, almost blindingly shiny and a bit heavy in her hands. There was just a small smudge near the handle, and, putting the spork in her pocket, Iris promised herself she'd examine and polish it at lunch.  
Cody, clear across the room, was uninformed of what Iris had gotten a hold of. She held her paper in front of herself on the desk, searching for the missing addition. Picking up her #2 pencil, Cody recited her name on the top of the tale's accounts in her flowing script. Watching her remaining peers file in through the doorway, she waited for the teacher to announce that they would read their stories aloud to the rest of the class. When the information reached Cody's ears that the group of pupils would, however, she sunk down in her plastic blue chair and hoped that some day she would be able to disappear when she desired. She listened somewhat half-heartedly to the mysterious tales of the other eighth graders, drifting in and out of La-La Land to reality. Thus, it was obvious that she was relieved that they were shooed to lunch at precisely fourteen past eleven. Everyone was temporarily released from the clutches of the class full of swirling sentences to analyze and numerous plays and essays. Iris caught up to Cody as they entered the chaotic world of the school hallways. Before Iris had a chance to inform her comrade of the spork, Cody rolled her eyes at her redheaded friend, "You don't have a lunch again? God, you're so anorexic." Iris sent Cody's eye gesture back to her, stating defensively, "I am not anorexic! I just don't eat at this particular establishment. I hate packing lunches and I'm still boycotting the school cafeteria."  
The two visited and remarked back and forth for a few more minutes, mainly it consisting of Cody mentioning Iris' expanded word choice as if it was a horrible disease to have a large vocabulary. They finally ended the conversation with Iris accepting a cookie from Cody as they seated themselves.  
Something slithered around the back of Iris' mind before she remembered the spork. Pulling it out of her pocket as Cody and another girl traded food, Iris observed the utensil that was glistening eerily under the buzzing fluorescent fixtures in the cafeteria. She amused herself for a few moments by reflecting the light onto the faces of several confused eighth graders consuming their lunches.  
She absentmindedly tucked it away into her pocket again until she pulled Cody into the empty girls' bathroom. "Look at this, Cody," she said excitedly as her friend found the golden object thrust under her nose.  
"Um...yeah. A spork. So what?"  
Iris looked annoyed for an instant, then reverted back to being eager again, "A golden spork. It's even a bit heavy and metal-ish."  
Disbelieving, Cody took the eating device from Iris and looked at it closely. She rubbed the smudge furiously until it disappeared, seemingly never there in the first place.  
"Oh," Iris pouted in a joking way, "I was hoping for a genie!"  
Cody laughed and inattentively ran her finger across the golden spikes that ornamented the spoon part of the tool. The spork instantly shrank to the size of a fingernail and a silvery mist wafted out of it. A deep voice that sent chills up their backs spoke, "You have amused the High Spork Ninja. Please state your desires three."  
Iris jumped back in surprise, but Cody was petrified into immobility and still held the magical entity. Question upon question entered Cody's mind, but Iris spoke her thoughts immediately.  
Gazing up into the silvery smog that now hovered in the air around them, Iris grinned an immense amount and shouted, "I wish that -"  
But Cody cut her off and hastily reworded her sentence, "We wish that we were in Middle Earth!"  
For a moment, Iris agitatedly glared at Cody, but then realized what she had said. She smirked a bit at her friend's request as the booming voice said loudly, "Your wish is my command!"  
The two teenagers looked around themselves in amazement as the silver haze grew thicker. It swirled around them so they could no longer make out the sloppy print on the bathroom stalls or the soap dispensers that had never functioned properly.  
When the mist cleared, Cody gasped at the sights that surrounded her. There was no doubt that they were, indeed, truly in Middle Earth. Their location was the edge of Fangorn Forest. The tops of the trees were elevated high above the pair and all of the leaves were that of a lush, dark green color and on their other side was a long field that Cody thought must have gone on forever until she came to her senses.  
When Iris took in a gulp of air, making it short, however, it was not for the gorgeous surroundings. She then snorted, snickered and covered her mouth. Cody turned to ask Iris what she was laughing at but immediately noticed and smirked.  
Iris was the first to speak of their situation. "Looks like someone has been eating a little too much lembas bread," she said in a singsong voice.  
"I am a hobbit," Cody began, "which is quite obvious, due to my sudden decrease in height and appearance of tiny bits of fuzz upon my feet. But at least I am not an orc!"  
Iris' breath caught in her throat as she looked at herself. Cody noted that she seemed quite amused with her orc self looking like it was about to faint with horror. This went on for quite some time until Cody said, "But I believe we should start on a journey, no matter what we look like." Iris started accepting her condition at what seemed like two hours later. "Surely since we come across as a 'Lord of the Rings' movie hobbit and an orc there is also a certain attractive elf roaming this location. I guess we should actually do something productive in our stay in Middle Earth. By the way, have you noticed we're older than we were too?"  
Cody rolled her eyes and grinned with her white teeth still covered with braces, "Sounds like a plan to me."  
The two began their expedition to find Legolas. It was in no general direction since they did not hold the knowledge of where the platinum blonde male with pointy ears was to be found and so they went for several minutes without uttering a single noise until Iris observed that Cody was wearing a pack on her back.  
She said, "Hey, Cody, you're wearing a pack on your back."  
"No!" she exclaimed sarcastically.  
Iris took it off of Cody's shoulders and dug through the sack of leather while grumbling to herself that it was wrong for anyone to walk around with animals on them.  
"Iris, this isn't the twenty-first century here. They don't have synthetic fibers in Middle Earth," she said, looking up at her companion, exasperated that her friend was ignoring her and for being short as well.  
She was still overlooked and the orc drew out a small dagger, an outdated sleeping bag, plenty of food and a complicated map with tiny, messy scrawl all over it from the dark depths of the skin-covered carrier.  
  
Iris rooted through the pile she had made for food, searching for something edible. She came up with lembas bread and nothing else. Curious, the orc bit into a piece and felt full. When she swallowed it, however, she was not pleased with the aftertaste that lingered hauntingly in her mouth. Iris, still sitting upon the hard-packed earth in the field, stared, disgusted, at the lembas bread. Cody searched through her hobbit-pockets, pulling out numerous amounts of crumbs and lint. Meanwhile, whilst the Tolkien-world foreigners were off in their own little thoughts, they were unaware of the approaching enemies. It was a troop of some of the antagonists in the metaphorical play on the stage of existence, orcs. "Look!" said Iris calmly, glancing up and catching a glimpse of the enemies. "It's a troop of some of the antagonists in the metaphorical play on the stage of existence, orcs!" "Orcs!" Cody repeated in a hysterical, mad rush of panic. "I want to wish for better lembas bread," Iris said absentmindedly to no one in particular, gazing longing down at the food item still in her hands. Cody yelled a few obscene names at Iris, "You want better lembas bread? You want to waste a wish on lembas bread?!" she echoed again with more anger. "We have orcs about to strike down upon us!" The leader roared a phrase, which Iris, being an orc at the moment, could comprehend. She suddenly became alarmed when she figured out that it meant, "Get the hobbit!" "Cody!" she yelled in a spastic manner completely abnormal for any orc, let alone a human being, "Run!" They sped away, Cody lagging behind with her stubby legs and hobbit-bulk. She whimpered and blubbered insanely, saying in a fit of terror, "I'm going to be an orc snack! I wish the Fellowship was here. I want-" Her words were lost on wasting wishes as nine objects-people to be exact- fell down from the hazy clouds upon the orc and the hobbit while they scuttled to unknown safety, halting their escape. A large series of onomatopoeias sounded during the descent as well as the landing. As Iris attempted to rise, a very surprised elf gaped at her while he was sprawled across her legs, dazed and confused. Aragorn, who had landed upon Legolas and Cody, jerked upright and jumped to his feet. "Orc!" Aragorn shouted, pointing to Iris. Legolas quickly and gracefully pulled himself to his full height and stepped back a few feet, pulling an arrow out of his quiver as Frodo was heaved to his feet by a bewildered dwarf. Sam squirmed around for a second more and lugged his short body upwards. Merry and Pippin, however, drooled in a dazed behavior of sorts at the pretty hobbit lass. In a panic, Iris shot a look at Cody, but found that she wouldn't be of very much assistance as she was grinning from ear to ear with her gaze fixed on Aragorn and Legolas. Iris tried to think quickly but only came to the conclusion to wish the second boon. "High Spork Ninja, I wish we were elves!" she shouted. Cody, snapping out of her trance, she asked, "What was that for?" as their ears grew longer and their bodies were slimmer and noticeably more elegant. Iris looked down at herself and screamed at her new appearance, before yelling excitedly, "Woohoo!" Iris simply pointed to Legolas, who had his bow raised and ready moments before until his opponents morphed into beings that were actually, racially speaking, on his side. Aragorn lowered his sword as well, his eyes narrowing as he tried to comprehend and rationalize what was happening. Iris jumped up and ran over to the elf and the human who thought they were in a very odd nightmare. They almost backed away but she caught them before they could escape the clutches of Iris the Elf. She shook their hands vigorously and introduced herself. "I am Orolithien and this is Maldoliel," she said, remembering an online test she had taken a few months back to find her name as an elf. "Augh!" Cody emitted from her newly formed elven jaws, pointing the air repetitively toward the gaining orcs. Aragorn nodded Legolas and the rest of the crew, holding his sword with more confidence and charging at the orcs only a matter of meters away. Cody and Iris found quivers of arrows upon their backs and stormed into battle. The Fellowship courageously fought through the band of orcs, slaying the nasty creatures. Legolas, with his precision and speed, killed many. Aragorn and Boromir clashed swords with vigor. The smell of blood not meant for those with weak constitutions permeated their surroundings and the ringing of conflicting weapons rang through the air. Victory was upon them, and Iris curled her lip at the scene of the lifeless corpses. Cody smiled and noticed her braces weren't there when she closed her mouth and ran her tongue across her teeth. She smiled more. Cody then frowned. She stood next to Iris and tugged on her sleeve. After of few minutes of having been annoyed by Cody, Iris, with triumph subduing all other thoughts, asked her what she was doing. "The wish." "Yeah. The wish saved our lives and made us the coolest beings in Middle Earth." "No," Cody said frantically, and then said, "well, yeah, but.no. It was our last wish!" Iris yelped and odd elf-yelp and quickly took the spork Cody was still holding in her hand from her. "Oh High Spork Ninja!" she cried out in desperation to the tiny golden object. There was no reply. She tried again and wished to be home, to write the paper she had forgotten, to go to school, and for this to have never happened. Nothing occurred though to satisfy her whim. Then the spork grew to its normal size and split into two jagged halves. She gave one side to Cody and tucked away the other. There was nothing to do. But they were happy, nonetheless. The moral of the story: if you don't wish carefully you might as well live out the rest of your immortal lives in a place you won't get sick of that's full of hobbits and friggin' awesome elves. 


End file.
